Squid up? No! Squid neutral! it all started back in elementary school where my parents began to slowly detect that some signs that maybe… perhaps… …their son was special. The school’s grading system was loose and only behavior was graded from one to five. One being ill-mannered and five being well-behaved. I’d get all threes. My parents were like, okay. You know what? It’s still early that there’s still some growth to be made, right? Right? Enter: first year semester of middle school, sixth grade. As I spent most of my school days imagining Shadow Warriors fighting in the classrooms, sleeping, and wondering if any of my Maplestory Guild mates would be online today. I felt this subconscious, overwhelming doom that was approaching me. Yes, it was time. Here it is, the very first legitimate report card using their grading system. A B C D F. I take a look and I see… that I got a C in *history* of all places. Hmm. Okay. I did pretty good. I only got one C. You know the rest are A’s and B’s so this should be good enough to show to my parents, right? Yeah. Oh Daidus, you poor scum. As I quickly returned home awaiting to play some online games and talking to my guild mates, my mother knew what day it was, like all good moms should. Show me your report card, she says. I show her. As I look, her facial expressions slowly transition from normal to disappointment to tears to anger. Never once had I thought that would have to look through the eyes of the Armageddon. I don’t even know if the Armageddon has an eye, but if it did I saw it. It’s time to face it now. I run looking for safety because objects were flying and the crying shrieks of an angry mother made my body plunge into survival mode. I found my spot. I hid under the coffee table in the living room. It was my bunker as I curled up into a ball for hours while awaiting for doomsday to end. I get more C’s. And the next semester, even more C’s. I became a sea master. By this point, I’d still get my day of reckoning, although less impactful as the last and my mother was slowly accepting the fact that her son was indeed a dum-dum. I take a peek at my report card. My heart sank. Not one, but two D’s! That’s right. Double D’s. *dramatic voice* The world is about to end. Commence the longest bus ride ever. Luckily, my mother wasn’t home at the time but my father was. I show my pops the report card. Contrasting my mother’s reaction, his facial expression went from neutral to despair. Son. What are we going to do? That’s right. I left out an important detail. Whenever I got bad grades, not only do I get a beating, but so does my dad. Yes, me and my pops: we’re comrades. Wait, I’m really good at Photoshop. I say we edit the D’s into B’s. And we print it using the same, special paper. Son. Let’s do it. We went into the lab and produced the most amazing, believable, edited, report card anyone could ever witness. That day, we cheated death itself. My mom to this very day still has no clue what events unfolded. Until after she finishes watching this video… ‘Sup mom? ‘SUP MOM! Okay, it’s squid neutral time. Pops, I’m sorry for throwing you under the bus here. You know, it’s been many, many, years so, you know, I think we’ll be fine. I hope. Ma, I’m sorry for embarrassing you, okay? I want everyone watching to know that my mom was a great mom and you know I could easily make a video about how great my parents are but then it would just be way too long and then you guys would be super bored. Okay, so there’s that. So yeah, I grew up watching like Asian Youtubers, you know talk about Asian stereotypes, you know, like Nigahiga, KevJumba, and stuff like that. They you know, it’s really popular back in the day just to talk about Asian stereotypes. And uh, so here’s here’s a homage This video is a homage to how much to that era, I guess, okay. I know I’m I’m only half Asian but the stereotypes are still true, you know in my eyes, you know what I mean? You don’t even have to be Asian to relate to this. You just have to have bad grades. Okay, all you kids out there was terrible grades to do don’t worry. I’ve got your back, okay. I’m part of the low IQ Club, you’re stupid, but you’re stupid just like me. So we’re stupid together. Okay? So yeah, I hope you enjoyed the video and I will see you later, you barnacle scum!